We’re feeding each other like baby birds. The grass is always greener on the side that’s fertilized with bullshit. You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music. If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn’t type any slower. What’s another word for Thesaurus? Steven WrightĬonfidence is 10% work and 90% delusion. Want to get the Wisdom Quotes collection?Īll generalizations are false, including this one. The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means. Zach Galifianakisĭo not take life too seriously. I’d like to live like a poor man – only with lots of money. Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? Robin Williams The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it. One-liners, short funny quotes, sayings, thoughts and captions for your bio, social status, self-talk, motto, mantra, signs, posters, wallpapers, backgrounds.
Funny Quotes That ARE… Short Funny Quotes And Humorous Lines The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not. It is very nice now that when people wave at me, they use all their fingers. My esteem in this country has gone up substantially.
The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so. If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. It’s not “We love each other!” It’s “Fuck it.” Louis C.K. “Fuck it.” That’s really the attitude that’s keeps a family together. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success? Jerry Seinfeld I don’t understand why people would want to get rid of pigeons. If you’re too open-minded your brains will fall out. That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it. When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. Mark TwainĪ lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. They’re either selling something or not very bright. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. Some speak the truth, and others are just noise. Bill Murray I live on a one-way street that’s also a dead end. I like Kit-Kat, unless I’m with four or more people. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. I invite you to STOP, take a break, and enjoy a funny video or show of one your favorite comedian. Most of us, myself included, are always living the next-thing-next-thing-next-thing, without stopping. With the seriousness and busyness of modern life, it’s too easy to forget the importance and benefits of relaxing, chilling and having fun with friends.
Isn’t it great when you have a truly good laugh?ĭon’t you have the impression that time stops and you’re 100% in the moment, appreciating it? Related quote topics: creativity, attitude, famous, positiveĪ few quick thoughts on fun and laughing… I wrote a few children’s books… not on purpose. Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off. Don’t be so humble – you are not that great.
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